


Lay Me Down

by thelanguidcat



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Amnesia, Angst, Endgame Shance, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Lance angst i guess, Langst, M/M, Meeting in dreams, Olkari, Past Relationship(s), Secret Relationship, Shared Dream, kuron is dead rip, like a medium burn?, or is he lmao
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-04
Updated: 2019-09-05
Packaged: 2020-04-07 17:50:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19090051
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thelanguidcat/pseuds/thelanguidcat
Summary: “We have to stop meeting like this.”Shiro, no Kuron, smiles softly at Lance. Lance slowly blinks his eyes open. They were swaying gently together, soft music floating around them. Shiro’s (no, Kuron’s) hand is gentle around his own, warm at the small of his back.“You left me, you keep leaving me.”In which Lance and Kuron were secret paramours but when Kuron went insane and Shiro "replaced" his soul in the clone body, Shiro woke up without clone memories. Leaving Lance to mourn the death of his lover in secret. Until he starting seeing Kuron in his dreams. Meanwhile Shiro can't quite figure out who the mysterious alien? person? popping up in his dreams is.





	1. Chapter 1

Lance is restless. It’s been a year, a full year since they found Shiro. The real Shiro, not the amalgam that was his clone. And Lance is happy, he really is. He just can’t help feeling like he lost a friend too. _A friend._ As if that were all they were, _friends._ And now they’re not even that.

The Garrison lights are too bright and Lance can’t see the stars from his window. He squeezes his eyes shut and tries to not to think of warm calloused hands playing piano keys on his spine.

 

“We have to stop meeting like this.”

Shiro, no Kuron, smiles softly at Lance. Lance slowly blinks his eyes open. They were swaying gently together, soft music floating around them. Shiro’s (no, _Kuron’s_ ) hand is gentle around his own, warm at the small of his back.

“You left me, you keep leaving me.”

Kuron’s grip tightens ever so slightly and Lance looks away, he doesn’t want to see pity in Kuron’s eyes, not here.

He vaguely remembers this. The dance, another formal event the paladins were forced to attend. When Kuron fumbled to ask for his hand, both of them awkward and blushing and eager.

“I’m sorry.”

“I don’t even know why I keep coming here, I, fuck, I’m,” Lance burrows into Kuron’s shoulder as his voice breaks.

“It’s been a year Shiro, and I, I still miss you so much. It’s been a year.”

The music stops.

Lance clutches at Kuron desperately, chasing his warmth. _It’s too soon, it’s too soon!_

Kuron steps away from Lance and frowns, a perfect picture of confusion and Lance wants to kiss the wrinkle his nose makes.

“But Lance, I’m right here.”

Lance wakes up with wet cheeks and a name caught on his heart.

 

* * *

 

Shiro doesn’t understand his dreams.

Most of the time it starts with nightmares, him bathed in a purple glow, in red blood, the stench of death putrid in the air. Shiro laughs and it’s not his voice. He was made to kill, he was killing. Bodies falling around him, his bodies? Keith choking out “I love you Shiro, please.”

Almost as quick as the mania sets in it fades.

There’s always music. And a familiar face.

Shiro doesn’t understand the rush of affection. It threatens to drown him.

He leans against Shiro, and Shiro can feel soft hair tickling his neck, and a warm cheek pressed against his shoulder. Shiro wants to protect him, wants to lo- no, no that can’t be right, Shiro hasn’t, not since Adam.

“It’s been a year Shiro.”

A year? But he’s right here. _I’m right here._

He steps away from, and

Wakes up. The Garrison room is dark but Shiro’s arm glows faintly, a lonely night lamp to keep him company.

It’s been a year since Shiro’s soul was rescued from the astral. It’s been almost two since he died. He still wasn’t used to this body, _his_ body _._ Like a center piece of jigsaw Shiro has been squeezing into a space that doesn’t quite fit.

The left side of his bed is cold and Shiro finds himself reaching for someone that isn’t there. He curls the duvet under his feet and tries not to search for memories that won’t be found.

 

* * *

 

“Sometimes I wish I never fell in love with you.”

Lance is curled beside Kuron.

This time they’re at the beach. Lance remembers this too. How could he not, when he was being thoroughly romanced with candles and a picnic. They had snuck out like rebellious teenagers after another boring diplomatic meeting, shushing each other between giggles. In all his memories, there was laughter and music.

Kuron is quiet beside him.

Lance winces then rolls his eyes and dramatically continues, “You’ve ruined love for me now, I’m never gonna get as perfect a man as I did with you.”

Kuron huffs and then laughs.

“You talk about me as if I’m dead, Lance.”

“Am I supposed to think you aren’t.”

Lance grimaces, an apology ready on his lips but Kuron just looks at him sadly, sweetly and strokes the smooth of his cheeks, pressing a kiss to his forehead.

 

* * *

 

“Well now, this is just ridiculous.”

Shiro blinks his eyes open hazily, twisting to look at him, unwilling to move from his spot nuzzled against warm tan skin.

“I can’t believe I fell asleep just to dream about going to sleep.”

Shiro stares incredulously for a second, then bursts into giggles. The bed shakes with their laughter and it settles around them warm as a blanket.

“You were having a nightmare...the first time I, the first time we did this.”

“I’m always having a nightmare”

The man beside him rolls his eyes. “This was different. You were thrashing, you..you kept shouting our names. You were screaming for your mom.”

Shiro doesn’t know what to say to that. He hasn't called for his mother in years.

Their bodies lay entwined, almost like muscle memory, like they’ve done this before.

Except Shiro thinks he would have remembered having a space boyfriend, especially since his whole body was set on fire at every gentle touch, his heart barely contained in its ribcage.

Something niggles at the back of his mind, reminding him about the years lost as his clone masqueraded as himself, but Shiro firmly shoves the thought behind piles of other shit before it can fully form.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhhh its hereeee i hope you all enjoy it! do let me know what you think in the comments!! I welcome concrit but do be gentle pls <33 thank you so much for reading!! (also what do yall think abt the formatting is it difficult to read?) 
> 
> come bother me on twitter and tumblr :)) its thelanguidcat for both

“Hey Pidge, did I ever have a secret relationship out in space?”

“Why do you ask?”

Shiro rubs the back of his neck nervously, fidgeting on the spot.

After the war, Pidge had taken up the Olkari’s offer as a developer and researcher of new technologies. Shiro had come to Olkarion for a quick stop at her insistence and honestly, between all the Garrison work and his crazy dreams, Shiro really needed a break.

“I’ve been...having some dreams only they don’t really..feel like dreams?”

“Huh. Why’d you think I would know?”

Shiro laughs, “Well, you know everything about everyone, you’re always saying you have eyes and ears everywhere.”

Pidge shoots him a smirk. “And don’t you forget it.”

“But unfortunately, I have no idea about any secret relationships or flings with hot aliens in your area 51. Why don't you ask Lance?”

Shiro stops short of snorting. Lance was an over enthusiastic ball of sunshine, ready for praise and quick with a quip, but other than a few friendly conversations, Shiro had hardly interacted with him outside of Voltron duties.

“Lance? Why would I ask Lance?”

“What do ya mean? You guys used to have sleepovers and stuff, paint each other’s nails, talk about guys or girls, or whatever.”

Shiro’s face drops into a frown. He never had that kind of relationship with anyone on board, even if he did, it would've been with Keith. But Keith would’ve probably been horrified if Shiro showed up one day with nail polish and started waxing poetic about a guy’s eyes.

“Ah, was it, I mean do you remember? The clone’s memories?”

Shiro starts and catches Pidge’s reproachful gaze.

“Sorry, I just, I thought maybe Lance would’ve told you..”

Shiro shakes his head and smiles reassuringly at Pidge as she thankfully launches into a new topic. Lance hasn't talked to him since the war ended.

 

* * *

 

Lance has been avoiding Shiro.

It’s just that, after his death, Lance has been having these dreams and they’ve been blurring the lines between Kuron and Shiro.

And it’s just not fair! Shiro doesn’t even acknowledge Lance’s presence half the time and here Lance was pining after his clone, after him, the very existence of the thing that plagues Shiro.

Except, he was Shiro too. Or a version of him. A possibility. And boy did Lance exploit the hell out of that possibility didn’t he.

So yes. Lance has been avoiding Shiro. It’s been fairly easy to do, what with the Captain having to manage his own crew on top of Garrison duties. Everybody wants a piece of Captain Shirogane.

Blue hums comfortably around him as he clamours into his seat and checks her controls. He lets the sound wash over him, her presence in his mind a comforting balm. They were headed to the newly restored Olkarion to meet Keith, the main headquarters for the humanitarian efforts of the Voltron coalition and the Blade of Marmora.

After the war, many people were displaced. Lance remembers the stories his abuelita shared of fleeing a war, an angry dictator, of having to build a new life in a strange country. And Lance likes helping people. If that means he gets to explore new cultures and meet new people, well, it’s not like he should let Keith have all the fun.

 

“Oi, you were supposed to be here a varga ago, what took you so long.”

Lance grins as he spots Keith’s messy mullet-turned-ponytail on the busy space dock, and leaps from Blue’s ramp, deliberately crashing into Keith as he pulls him into a hug.

“Aw Keith did you miss me? I _love_ what you’ve done to your hair by the way, don't scowl at me, you look very mango,”

“Very what now?”

“You know, juicy and sweet, bet you have all these dudes climbing just to take a bite”

Lance laughs as Keith lets out a squawk and shoves Lance off him, scowl slipping from his face into a pout.

After Lance decided to leave their rivalry behind, he had stumbled across the fact that Keith made the _cutest_ reactions to casual flirting. When Lance had jokingly turned the old Mcclain charm to the mullet, he had turned bright red and choked on his tongue, the poor boy reduced to stuttering in confusion.

Keith drags his hand down his red face and glares at Lance.

“You know we have a meeting with the coalition in what? 10 ticks?”

“Yea, something about the Pluxtonians not wanting to accept Galran refugees right?” Lance says carefully, gauging Keith’s reaction.

Keith’s frown returns. He had long since come to term with his half-Galran heritage but it never gets easier, even after the Empire was dismantled and peace was restored.

“I know what the Galra have done is unforgivable but, I wish they’d understand that most Galran civilians just want to live peacefully. The Blade is already expending most of their resource into finding these rebels.”

Lance sighs and reaches to ruffle Keith’s hair. Keith shoves his hand away and throws him a half-hearted glare as he reaches to check his braid.

Linking his arm around Keith’s, Lance ignores his whine of protest and drags him in a half-skip towards the main coalition building, “Come on mullet, let’s go do this diplomacy thing and see if that works out.”

 

* * *

 

The marketplace in the centre of the intergalactical relations district was one of the most vibrant and colourful places Shiro had ever seen. Stalls of different artifacts from all across the universe, weird knick knacks and funky tech, not to mention the food. Fried, dried, salted, baked, burned in a supernova, you name it they probably have it. And yet nothing was quite interesting enough to distract Shiro from his thoughts.

Because clearly he hasn't been doing anything right. How was the clone so different to him anyway? Wasn't he made to be Shiro’s replicate? So what was Shiro not doing? Why didn’t Lance just, talk to him.

Shiro sighs as he fiddles around with a...space rubix cube? Great now he doesn't even know what he’s doing at this stall and the owner looks two seconds from yelling at him to buy something or leave.

The owner huffs at him and Shiro sullenly puts the rubix cube thingy down and walks towards a taiyaki stall. Did Lance think the clone was better? A better friend? A better leader? Was this why Lance was avoiding him? Why did Shiro have to care so much anyway? It’s not like he—

“Shiro? What are you doing here? I thought you’d be back on the Garrison.”

Shiro nearly drops his taiyaki.

“Keith! Wow, look at you, you look, how have you been?”

Shiro scrambles to school his expression into a casual, cool and definitely not at all stressed one, and chooses to focus on Keith’s..braid?

“Wow Keith, I knew you admired Kolivan but,” Shiro grins and gestures to his hair.

Keith groans and buries his (increasingly red) face into his hands.

“You and Lance are both terrible people.” Keith whines.

Wait. Lance?

“Stop talking about my hairstyle goddamit!”

Lance was with Keith?

“Hey, Shiro..? Are you okay? You look...stressed.”

Shiro starts and frowns.

“Yea about that, hey did my clone ever have a relat-”

“Keith! Look a taiyaki stall, oh man, Sh-Kuron always told me they were his favour-ommf”

This time Shiro does drop his taiyaki.

Because came barrelling into Keith and tripping into Shiro’s arms was Lance himself, curly haired and bright eyed as ever, filling everyone with his sunshine.

“Uh. Hi Lance, how..have you been?”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOo wow it's taken me an awful long time hasn't it? Thank you so much for all your lovely comments everyone, I cannot wait to share more shance with you <33

Lance’s heart trips over itself as he slowly, horrifically, finds himself seated in Shiro’s lap like he still belongs there. Shiro’s firm and very comfortable lap. A jolt of arousal shocks Lance’s spine as he realizes he’s straddling Shiro holyshitohfuckohgod w h y. Lance all but scrambles away. 

Then finds himself abruptly pulled up by an exasperated Keith, seemingly unaware of Lance’s internal tornado. 

Because of course Lance had to have the best luck in the universe. 

Lance stares as Shiro smiles faintly at him as he rises, his hands frozen in place before he carefully, methodically, places them by his side. 

Lance wants to bang his head against the wall for putting that awful mechanical smile on Shiro’s face. 

_I used to kiss that smile off his face._ Lance could have sobbed on the spot. If not for Keith smacking his arm hard enough to jolt him.

“For someone with impeccable aim how are you always so blind to your surroundings.” 

“Hey! It’s because of my narrow focus that I’ve saved your mullet-haired ass so many times okay!” Lance pouts indignantly as Keith grins and turns to Shiro.

“Anyway, before this clumsy ass interrupted, Shiro what was your question?” 

Shiro froze in place, his expression caught like a deer. Lance glances curiously up at him to catch his eyes dart quickly away from his own towards to the taiyaki on the ground. 

Ah. Lance is an idiot.

“Shit, Shiro I’m so sorry! Let me buy you another one, your favorite is azuki right? Hold on. You guys carry on, don’t mind me at all!” Lance flusteredly pats for his wallet and ducks past Shiro’s awkward frame to approach the stall. 

“Shiro? What were you going to ask?” 

“Ah, well, um, did I, I mean, did my clone, ever have a relationship out in space?” 

Lance nearly trips into the whole stand as the stall owner impatiently gestures to him to collect his treat. _Don’t ask me don’t ask me don’t ask me do–_

“Huh? Shiro, I was absent for most of this, hey Lance! Lance?” 

_Don’t ask me don’t ask me I said don’t ask–_

Lance turns robotically towards them, a smile plastered painfully stretched on his face, as he tries not to breathe or give away his very loud internal screaming. 

Keith stares at him like he's contemplating sending Lance to an insane asylum with shady illegal practices and asks, “What's wrong with your face?”

_I’m going to kill you_ replies Lance’s eyes. 

But Lance’s mouth just stretches even wider as he palms Shiro his taiyaki and says in a vaguely (very) stilted voice, “Haha. Keith. You’re so funny. What do you even mean.” 

Lance does not want to see what expression Shiro has on his face and keeps himself tactfully (it was not tactful) angled away. 

Keith just looks at him incredulously and shakes his head. 

“Alright weirdo, anyway, Shiro wants to know if the clone had any flings out in space.“ Keith raises his brow expectedly and jerks his head at Shiro’s direction. Lance could almost hear him say, _stop being whatever this is and TALK to Shiro normally for God’s sake._

Lance wants to combust. 

“Well, not a fling, exactly, but um, I’ve been having weird dreams, he’s, uh. Uh, I can never see his face, it’s just. I think it was serious?” 

Lance feels as if a bucket of ice has been thrown over his astral soul. He sucks in a breath and feels each painful string in his chest clench tight as the familiar bitter loneliness echos in the empty auditorium of his heart. 

He turns slowly to meet Shiro’s bashful grey eyes and pauses, his body suddenly very very cold.

“You couldn’t see his face?” 

Shiro shakes his head. 

“Then just forget about him.” 

The words were said softly but Shiro’s mouth drops open in surprise anyway. Lance turns away before Shiro can say anything more and stalks towards the coalition buildings, glittering as ice, towering over the market. 

 

* * *

 

Shiro could barely hear Keith complaining about Lance’s weirdness.

Because holy shit Lance definitely knows something, just how close was the clone to Lance? Why was Lance so upset? Was it a bad breakup or something? Did this guy break the clone’s heart? What happened???? 

Pidge was wrong, Lance did not answer his questions, Lance gave him more questions and Shiro doesn’t even feel like teasing Pidge on being wrong which obviously means Lance has effectively broken him because one of Shiro’s joys in life is teasing the Holt siblings. 

“Seriously man, I don’t know what’s up with him, I’ll go knock some sense when I’m back. Shiro? Shiro!” 

Shiro starts as Keith snaps his fingers. 

“Are you alright? You’ve been even more spacey lately...do. Do you wanna talk to someone about this?” 

“Huh?” 

Shiro blinks at Keith’s look of concern and huffs a snort. Keith has been looking out for him for far too long. 

“Seriously man, I know a guy, like a therapist, we stumbled across this planet and the people there are like energy doctors or something, we sent a couple of BoMs there for treatment on account of severe PTSD and within a few months they were back on their feet.” 

Keith pauses and looks hesitantly at Shiro. Shiro could feel what Keith‘s about to say. 

You’ve been through a lot Shiro.

“....you’ve been through a lot Shiro.” 

It’s no wonder you have problems. 

“Anyone in your place would have...problems..” 

Go get yourself fixed for fuck’s sake. 

“I’ll leave you the coordinates okay? Just think about it...it could be good for you..” 

Shiro just smiles warmly at Keith and gave him a clap on the shoulder. 

“I’ll think about it.” 

Keith didn’t look like he believed him. 

 

* * *

 

Lance doesn’t want to go to sleep. Keith has been blowing up his communicator and Lance can almost hear him asking what-the-fuck-was-that-whole-conversation and what-the-fuck-is-wrong-with-you-Lance and honestly he’s tired alright, he’s had a long day. 

But Lance absolutely does not want to fall asleep. Because he just knows he’ll see Kuron in his dreams tonight. Or apparently Shiro, because Shiro’s been having “weird dreams” about a boyfriend he couldn’t see so who fucking knows but Lance was not risking it. Lance may just blurt out his whole identity and ask Shiro right then and there just who he thinks he is to masquerade in Kuron’s place. 

But oh god does Lance want one more moment with Kuron. Even just to touch him. When Shiro held him he— no. No. Lance squeezes his eyes shut but the image and all its sensations dredges up anyway and Lance whines into his pillow as he kicks the duvet in petulantly.

Because when Shiro held him, it was like Kuron was the one holding him. And Shiro’s thighs were so strong and firm and boy were they like the perfect seat for Lance’s ass, and Shiro’s warm muscle-y arms were so tight around him, like Lance never had to worry about anything ever again and that stubble when he had brushed against him could literally make Lance swoon but. 

But the way Shiro looked at him was like Lance was the biggest inconvenience on earth, and yea, sure, Shiro always looked at him like that, but Kuron looked at him like he was the world. 

Lance flops on his back and pulls the duvet over his head as he tries not to sob. A whole year of mourning. And yet his beloved’s corpse was walking and talking and laughing. Except his beloved was dead. He died the moment Shiro opened his eyes, and didn’t spare Lance another glance. 

Warm air dances across Lance's skin as a welcoming light kisses his eyelids, lighting his world in red. He flickers his eyes open and squints against the glare of the sun, breathing in the salty breeze playing in his hair.

_Ah the ocean. I promised to take you to the ocean. Do you see it? Do you like it?_

Lance swings his legs out as he sits on the edge of the boardwalk, the morning sun warming his skin as the sea breeze whispers in his ear. 

Below him children play on the beach and the bright blue sea stretches out to greet them, twinkling in the sunlight. 

“Do you like it? I promised we’d visit when we got to earth. I’m sorry I didn’t keep my promise.” 

“How did you know it was me?” 

Kuron, no, Shiro, asks. 

Lance gives a small smile and turns away from Shiro as he ungracefully tries to mimic Lance’s way of sitting. 

“You think I don’t know what your footsteps sound like?” 

Lance laughs softly then sighs. 

“How else would I know to run out and greet you, before you even touched the door?” 

Shiro looks over at Lance, a curious expression on his face. 

Lance catches his eye and smiles at him, teasing, “I know I look extra pretty today, so you don’t need to tell me okay?” 

Shiro laughs and Lance tries to memorize the sound. If he can’t be with Kuron in waking, at least while he’s dreaming let him dream. 

“I didn’t want to see you today,” Lance bites his lip as Shiro drops his smile, “I wanted to stay the whole night awake so wouldn’t have to see you.” 

Shiro turns his gaze into his palms, his eyes soft and sad. 

“But I’m glad I did. I miss you. I miss you everyday. But I’ll be okay. I’ll be okay without you. So, so,” Lance takes in a shaky breath. 

“You should move on Takashi. Move on. Okay? Don’t try to find me. Don’t.” Lance swears softly as he feels tears pricking his eyes. “Don’t try to look for me alright?” 

Lance sighs as tears cloud his vision. And then he feels the gentle warmth, softly touching his face, cupping his cheeks as those callous thumbs, slowly, lovingly, wipe the falling tears away. 

“How can I ask you to wait for me?” Shiro asks, softly. “How can say, I am trying to find my way back to you?” 

Lance sobs as Shiro carefully pulls him close to rest his cheek on that sturdy shoulder. 

“Isn’t it selfish to ask you to wait? Can I be selfish and ask you to wait?” 

Lance chokes a sob and Shiro tightens his arms around him. Around them the sea crashes gently. 

“Will you wait for me, love?” 

And really, how could Lance ever say no? 

 

**Author's Note:**

> heya! so this is my very first fic. i have never written anything longer than a ficlet before so this all veryyyy new to me :) 
> 
> i hope you guys enjoy this ♡♡ leave a comment! let me know what you think! i welcome concrit but please be kind ♡♡♡ thanks y'all!


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